Four legs then, two legs now, raging all the while

Warning; this does feature some mentions of rape.

Say what you like about gods roaming the land disguised as various things, just looking for an attractive hole in which to force a penis of truly epic proportions. But you can’t deny that rape is just as much a human pastime as a divine one.

Well, it’s true! When you capture an enemy’s women and young boys, you divide them up as spoils and then you rape them. If you stay in a house and like the look of the pretty wiggly serving girls or tender young slave boys, you rape them.  If you defeat a king and carry off his queen, you rape her. The shepherds of your flocks, when there’s no one else around to do, may seize a ewe’s back legs, thrust them into his boots and his organ into her hole, while the beast no doubts bleats and bleeds something awful.

In fact even the most elaborate ceremonies based around your matings are play rapes half the time these days, the girl carried off by the groom and guards set outside the door to make sure she doesn’t escape. Even when it’s all arranged beforehand and the one underneath is willing, to a degree, then it’s rape.

Which brings me to my ever so famous rape.

Continue reading “Four legs then, two legs now, raging all the while”

Games that would never get made but which I think would be brilliant, HA!!!

What with the popularity of the God of War franchise, and the release of its most recent game God of War: Ascension

…which is a weird sort of name, come to think of it, considering that I don’t think any of the characters actually ascended in this game, if by ascending you mean going straight to heaven without having to die first.

Which I always do.

Anyway, since this is Greek mythology they’d really have to descend to get to their equivalent of heaven – unless they’ve pleased the gods big time and get to eat ambrosia and become gods themselves and laze around on Olympus all day. Then again, Kratos will do both of those in his own time in games to come, or games that have already come, and oh lord prequels are annoying sometimes so let’s just call it God Of War: Thing That Didn’t Happen.

What the characters did do, incidentally, was either get killed, or kill a lot of people and then get killed. Good to know Kratos hasn’t changed his modus operandi. Or never changed it or no! Bad prequel, bad!

…anywho, getting back on track; with the release of God of War: Thing That Didn’t Happen, I’ve been considering other mythologies that game companies could use as material when creating new and interesting products for the consumer market. Such as Ōkami , which I shall be covering in another post, which does a masterful job of adapting Japanese legends into a gorgeous action, platform, and puzzle solving game. Dante’s Inferno, which will have yet another post to itself, does a…less than masterly job of adapting what is essentially a self-insert fanfiction about the Christian religion, but the results are still interesting. Games like Ragnarok and its ilk and Too Human owe various amounts of debt to Norse mythology, and games like Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy and PowerSlave/Exhumed/Seireki 1999: Pharaoh no Fukkatsu  have their roots in, you guessed it, Egyptian mythology.

That being said, that last pantheon has been rather neglected for a while, so for your pleasure and entertainment, let me imagine a game based on a certain chapter of Egyptian mythology that’s particularly insane, violent and crazy awesome. Which would certainly never work as a real game of any sort, because of reasons.

Continue reading “Games that would never get made but which I think would be brilliant, HA!!!”