Banished Recap, Episode 4, Part 1

Be warned; while I love this series, it sometimes drives me to profanity.

Or else I just imagine the characters swearing because it’s funny.

A new day has dawned in the Australian bush. The sun is shining. Birds are tweeting. What I presume to be a kookaburra is sitting in what I presume is the old gumtree.

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“G’day.”

And James Freeman is fleeing for his life, with Timmins and some marines in –

-actually not so hot pursuit. Because Timmins, who I am pretty sure has gotten a stitch judging by the way he’s clasping his side (I feel your pain, buddy) halts his men once they come to a clearing. “We go any deeper, we die.” Instead he fires a rifle into the air, then gets two other marines to do the same, giving the illusion they were firing at James.

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“Who has to know, right?” Ah, Timmins, you’re a crafty one.

On the beach, as Marston’s body is brought on shore, Tommy and Elizabeth hear the shots and expect the worst.

Ross marches to his tent, and he is seething.

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Look at him seethe! Seethe seethe seethe.

Continue reading “Banished Recap, Episode 4, Part 1”

BBC Banished, Episode 3 recap

While I do honestly love this series, this episode drives me to vulgarity on occasion. It’s how I show I care! Plus I occasionally put swear words in the mouths of the characters.

You know they were thinking them anyway.

We start as we ended the last episode, with a body. Okay, now I believe that Marston’s body/dummy is under the water; the hair’s actually moving.

Well, at last we know why there are so many graves on the beach; it’s where Johnson holds his services, since there’s as yet no church. A whole bunch of people have gathered for a funeral. Anne and Mrs. Johnson exchange glances, no doubt thinking about their previous exchange. James smirks at one particular bit of scripture being read out by Letters Molloy, “I was in prison and you did not visit me,” (very appropriate) before catching sight of a boat full of marines heading out into the bay. He frets that they might be getting close to where Marston’s body is. Tommy can’t tell if it’s that exact spot; it was pretty dark last night, after all.

Johnson starts a big speech. “Shall I tell you what I love about this place?”

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(The spiders? The snakes? The heat? The fact that you don’t have an actual church yet and your graveyard is on the beach? The fact that you’re all on quarter rations? The fact that the marines are apparently entitled to the bodies of the female convicts? The fact that the guy in charge of the marines wants to hang innocent people to get everyone else to toe the line? The fact that there is the constant threat of attack by natives, even though we never see any Aboriginal people in this show? The fact that you yourself nearly had to execute a guy the day before yesterday? The list goes on and on.)

Continue reading “BBC Banished, Episode 3 recap”

BBC Banished, Episode 2

Last time on Banished: Elizabeth and Tommy were star-crossed lovers! James was being bullied by Marston! Major Ross has ISSUES! Governor Philip tries to be a reasonable authority figure! Private Buckley is a smirky creep! Tommy and Elizabeth got married on the scaffold! Such romance!

There is skulduggery and digging and whatnot in this episode. Let’s get to it.

(I just realised how many captures there are of Joseph Millson as Major Ross throughout this review. I can’t help it; he makes the best faces.)

The show makes the most of its location shooting by opening on a glorious shot of a misty sunrise. Beautiful. James sharpens a shell, enough that he can cut his palm. Is he trying to quell his hunger by drinking his own blood?

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Oh, no, he’s just going to put the fear of a very hungry guy into Marston. He looms over the bed as Marston sleeps, and somehow manages to make the shell look very threatening as he puts it to Marston’s throat, who wakes up sharpish.

(Ha, ha, ha, I’m so unfunny.)

He demands his food back. Marston points out that if he kills him, he’ll hang, but James says he’d rather die quickly by the noose than starve to death.  Marston calls his bluff and dares him to do it, but (un)fortunately he’s saved by the daily bugle. Thwarted, James tells Marston that the hungrier he gets, the easier it’ll be for him to gut Marston like a fish, and vanishes into the…day, leaving Marston somewhat shaken.

It seems that the show has actually remembered that Elizabeth should still be in incredible pain from having the skin of her back lacerated multiple times, so we’re treated to a nice tender scene (in both senses of the word) where Tommy laces her up in her stays, distracting her from the sheer agony of it all by telling her a joke about a polar bear cub. It’s not the best joke – don’t give up your day job is all I’m saying, Tommy – but it gets a laugh out of Elizabeth. Which immediately hurts her, defeating the point of the exercise. But she doesn’t seem to mind, because they kiss under extreme closeup.

Continue reading “BBC Banished, Episode 2”

BBC Banished, Episode 1

Warning: while I do love this series, a lot, I may not take it entirely seriously in these reviews. Abandon hope of complete solemnity.

Speaking of which; before we do anything else, I’m going to get this out of the way, right now, because it’s something of a pet peeve of mine when it comes to visual depictions of historical fashion:

HAIR! HAIR!! HAIR!!! THE WOMEN’S HAIR IS MADDENING!!!

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THEIR HAIR IS HANGING EVERYWHERE!!! THEY ARE WORKING OUTDOORS IN A HOT CLIMATE AND YET THEIR HAIR IS CONSTANTLY LOOSE!!!

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IT WOULD GET CAUGHT IN STUFF!!!! IT WOULD GET IN THEIR FACES!!!!! IT WOULD BE SO INCONVENIENT!!!!!!

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WHOSE IDEA WAS IT FOR PRACTICALLY ALL THE FEMALE CHARACTERS (except the housekeeper)

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TO WEAR THEIR HAIR DOWN ALL THE TIME???????

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(Actually, no, I take it back here; this could be a very messy version of a legitimate hairstyle called the hedgehog that was in fashion during the 1780s and 90s.)

HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR!!!

Okay. Okay. I think I’ve gotten it all out of my

 

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I’m fine. I’m good. The women’s hairstyles pissed me off at the start. I learned to deal with it. We’ve got a lot to get through.

Continue reading “BBC Banished, Episode 1”

So, about Reign on The CW…

This upcoming series, and I quote,

Chronicles the rise to power of Mary Queen of Scots (Kane) when she arrives in France as a 15-year-old, betrothed to Prince Francis, and with her three best friends as ladies-in-waiting. It details the secret history of survival at French Court amidst fierce foes, dark forces, and a world of sexual intrigue.

Here’s the trailer.

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Continue reading “So, about Reign on The CW…”

The Dracula Tape

So, in preparation for the upcoming NBC version of Dracula…

…yeeesh…

…I was planning to do some sort of post on how I first came to read Bram Stoker’s most famous novel, and how I think this latest adaptation will…compare to the original.

Capture The Dracula tapeBut then my attention was caught and held by The Dracula Tape, a 1975 novel written by Fred Saberhagan, which seeks to tell Dracula’s side of the story in his own words. Namely by waylaying some descendants of Jonathan and Mina Harker in their car one snowy night, and proceeding to tell his version of the events while preserving it on a tape recorder.

Sounds rather familiar, doesn’t it? I would cry copy-cat, except that Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire was published the year after this book. Then again, said Interview with the Vampire was based off a short story she wrote in 1968… Continue reading “The Dracula Tape”

So. Hannibal 1×12: ‘Relevés’

(Sorry it’s shorter than usual this week; for once I have little I find I want to analyse in this episode. Strange, but true. I will return at some point to make a better case, but for now, have a read and a think.)

NBC Hannibal warned us that this episode would be shocking. They warned us. And yes, we listened, but I don’t think we were prepared enough for what happened.

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You see this sweet scene, with Will and Georgia bonding? You see it? Good, enjoy it while it lasts, because it’s pretty much all the way downhill from here.

By the end of this episode, oh my, how Lecter has roped the cast in, how he’s strung them up!

Continue reading “So. Hannibal 1×12: ‘Relevés’”

So. Hannibal 1×11 ‘Rôti’

For the past few weeks, I have had a deep desire to take a leaf out of the book of those who review Tim Burton’s works, and play Hannibal Bingo. Alas, I am somewhat fuzzy on the rules of the game, and do not have the time or the inclination to create special cards suited for the purpose.

Maybe next week.

(I actually do a sort of Bingo throughout the recap, checking various running themes as I saw them, mostly for a joke – what running themes can you find in this episode to call Bingo on? – but one thing I’m not joking about is the unnecessary use of full names. If you’ve read these things you’ll know I have a peeve about the characters using full names when everyone. Knows. Who. They. Are. Talking about.

So, as i went through, I got into the habit of counting  all the times they did it in this episode. I probably haven’t even got them all because I don’t want to drive myself barmy, but, come on. They do it at least seventeen times in this episode. They use full names for no specific reason at least seventeen times. And four of those times are in the last scene, and are all said by the same person. There is no need for this!)

I can easily point to the opening scene of this episode and go “Hah!”, since ‘Rôti’ begins with yet another dinner at Lecter’s house, wherein Lecter serves Dr Frederick Chilton lamb curry with rice on a banana leaf. While Lecter has no interest in sheep, aside from eating them, he can assure Chilton this dish is definitely, hand on heart, no lie, made from sheep. Also, coconut milk.

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(Tick of the imaginary box for ‘inflicting cannibalism on my guests for shits and giggles’.)
Also: BANANA LEAF.

The reason Lecter is entertaining Chilton again, despite his obvious distaste for the man last time around, is because Abel Gideon is suing Chilton for manipulating him into thinking he was the Chesapeake Ripper (Not Tick, because they are establishing things.)  Naturally, Chilton comes to Lecter for advice, rather than a lawyer, because the petty manipulator seeking advice from the guy who eats people, and has himself manipulated a patient, is both amusingly ironic and makes the audience shake their heads in exasperation. The parallel between the two men could not be more obvious as Lecter advises Chilton to ‘deny everything’, and further advises that he was trying too hard; in order for this sort of treatment to work, the patient must not be aware of any influence.

Oh, Hannibal, you do have such a way of making me love and hate you at the same time.

(Tick.)

Will wakes from dreams of water – a return to the beach where the Human Totem Pole was found, then a shot of stock footage of a glacier cracking and more stock footage of a tidal wave, sorry to break the flow but the sky is clearly blue, as opposed to the grey of Will’s dream.  He wakes up, only to see his alarm clock start to melt, never a good sign, he clearly sweated a lot during the night, he’s so hot he’s steaming, it’s only a matter of time before he himself turns to water and melts away. Which he does.

Then he wakes up again, soaked in sweat.

(Tick.)

(However, there is no Dire stag. So no tick there.

Yet.)

Continue reading “So. Hannibal 1×11 ‘Rôti’”

So. Hannibal 1×10: ‘Buffet Froid’

In honor of the first five minutes of this episode, I’ve decided to make a change when it comes to reviewing this episode and do it as more of a slightly casual recap.

Why? Well, I spent the first five minutes of this episode speaking thusly. Out loud. Between my fingers.

And intermittently turning the sound off when I just couldn’t take it.

Yes, I’m a wimp.

*Ahem*

A woman comes home at night, and she owns a canary.

Aaaaa she’s standing by the bed she’s standing by the bed oh she isn’t grabbed yet.

Aaaaa, she’s in the bed.

Aaaaa there’s damp in the ceiling, she huffs and is going to investigate.

Damp spreading across the ceiling, no that’s not ominous AT ALL.

Don’t get out of bed, don’t get out aaaaa.

STEP AWAY FROM THE BED, STEP AWAY FROM THE BED.

Oh, she did.

She walks around the dark dark house.

She goes up into the dark dark attic.

There is…a hole in the dark dark attic roof and snow is coming in. What time of year is this, again? I know it was Christmas time in ‘Oeuf’, but I’ve lost track a bit. A dreamlike setting will do that to you.

THERE ARE FOOTPRINTS IN THE SNOW ON THE ROOF. Umm…how did whoever the killer is this week get up there? And why didn’t they slip?

She tarps the hole up, after a fashion, and sets down a bowl she got…from somewhere. I sympathize with this; our conservatory leaked like crazy, still does, and we were forever setting basins on the floor during a storm and replacing them when they got full.

She goes back downstairs from the dark dark attic to the dark dark house.

She’s going to get back into bed. Do a running jump, don’t let the monster under the bed get you!

THERE ARE WATERY FOOTPRINTS ON THE FLOOR.

DON’T FOLLOW THE FOOTPRINTS, CALL THE POLICE. DON’T FOLLOW THE FOOTPRINTS, CALL THE POLICE. Also, barricade yourself in the bathroom; that’s one thing Darkness Falls got right.

Aaaaand, yes, there goes the arm, which I was not ready for and made me shriek, as the woman is dragged screaming under the bed.

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SAVE ME FROM DUST BUNNIES!

By the by, that is a pretty big under-the-bed-area. The bed doesn’t look that big, even if it is a double.

And blood sprays on the floor. Wow, did the killer slit her throat? What caused that?

Also, how did the killer get from the attic to under her bed without her noticing?

Also again, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I believe I will be getting into bed via running jumps for some nights to come.

Continue reading “So. Hannibal 1×10: ‘Buffet Froid’”